Happy Birthday Noah!

Avalon's little friend, Noah turned 2 the other day. We celebrated his life in beautiful weather in one of Sydney's amazing parks.

Faces of Willow

Little Willow is such a joy to have around. Gurgling delighted "ga" 's at us whenever we care to look. She sleeps at night like a champ, smiling at me one minute and eyes closed the next. And she adores her big sister, giving her cheeky grins like she can't wait to tell Avy of her latest plans of mischief.

Here's some pics I took of her the other day when she was in one of those adorable little baby moments.

Dubai prototype

Avalon's towers are progressing as her patience develops. This is just a model of what she's working hard on producing with architect Zaha Hadid in Dubai.

Disciplines of a Godly Woman _ Barbara Hughes

This true story shook me to the core.

Pastor Scott Willis and his wife, Janet, along with six of their nine children, piled into their minivan, buckled up, and left their home on Chicago's south side for Wisconsin. It would turn out to be a day of excruciating pain and horror. While driving north on Interstate 94 in Milwaukee, the van ran over a large piece of metal that punctured the gas tank, immediately turning the vehicle into an inferno. By the time the van stopped and the parents fell out, their children were hopelessly trapped. Six of their children went to live with the Lord that day.

You'd think the Willis' would conclude that their God was far away at that moment. Yet, the burned, bandaged couple, still in physical pain, gave witness to God's grace at a news conference. Janet relates that when she looked back toward the van and began screaming, Scott touched her shoulder. "He said, 'Janet, this is what we've been prepared for.' And he was right. He said, 'Janet, it was quick, and they're with the Lord.' He was right."

In their shared hospital room Scott and Janet comforted themselves by watching videos of their children, reading passages from God's word, and talking openly about what had happened.

The Willis' testimony amidst the tears and heartache is amazing. "I know God has purposes and God has reasons," says Scott. "God has demonstrated his love to us and our family. There's no question in our mind that God is good, and we praise Him in all things."

"It's his right," agrees Janet. "We belong to Him. My children belong to Him. He's the giver and taker of life, and He sustains us."

With these words, Janet and Scott Willis demonstrated to the world and particularly to believers what it means to "run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

When the drama unfolded on National Television, an icy fear gripped my heart. I suspect that most Christian women quietly prayed something like, "Dear God, please don't ask that of me!" The Willis' amazing faith, poignantly revealed the shallowness of our own - the tentative commitment that lets us fall apart if we experience even the inconvenience of losing the car keys.

Faith in the goodness of God in the face of extreme adversity doesn't just happen. It grows out of a discipline of perseverance in the day-in, day-out grind of everyday life.

What a great testament to God's goodness! I'm inspired that this couple in the midst of a horrific loss of dearly loved children were able to still be assured of God's love and goodness to them.

It's obvious that God sustained them through their suffering and was comforting them as only one who has experienced such a loss can do. (God the Father also watched his son die a torturous physical death, and can comfort us in our times of grief.)

I can't imagine the crushing pain of one child of mine dying, let alone six. But as the woman said, they aren't ours, are they? They're Gods. He knit them together. He moulds their hearts and minds. They are on loan to us, but are never truly "ours". And God can take any of us to live with Him at any moment.

I wouldn't ever want to experience this type of loss, but I know that If I do, I'll collapse in grief into God's soft embrace.

Cast your cares on him

Here's an embarrassing window into my life as a Mum, which hopefully will uplift your spirits as it did mine, today.

I've lately been trying to pray about anything and everything as the bible tells me too. Because God cares.

Mediocre as this is, I was quite disappointed about losing a nappy bucket lid in the massive winds last Monday. (Yes, I know, I have a very boring life, such are my daily disappointments..) But regardless, I asked of God "Please return my lid to me! I don't want our house smelling like nappies, and I only just bought that bin..."

I was expecting God to answer this prayer with a "yes" and for the lid to turn up one day as I meandered through the streets of Glenmore Park, but in God's infinite wisdom, he knew that by the time that happened, it would most likely be perishing in the heat. So he returned it to me today. To my front drive, in fact. At the end of today's strong winds. It was just sitting there as I looked outside waiting for a friend to drop by. I did a double take. Could it be? Yes it is!!! Thanks God!

So never buy into the lie that God only cares about "big" stuff in our lives and to spare him the rest. God's mighty shoulders are big enough and He's longing to carry all the mundane disappointments and trivialities of our fragile hearts.

It's going to have to be all up to the cow soon...

With my supply slowly disappearing, and my body saying "enough!" with much hair loss and ridiculously flimsy nails, the days of me continuing to feed Willow by myself are numbered.

I've been relying on the good-ol' reliable cow for some time now for top-up feeds, but here's some shots of her first taste of adult food. The stuff the big people like.

It's hilarious that all kids have this look on their faces at the first taste of rice. But I find it equally hilarious when this look was also displayed on Avalon's face recently.

She asked to drink some expressed milk I had prepared for Willow. I of course, hesitated but then obliged and handed over the bottle. Yada yada yada, I came away from the event with an incredibly bruised ego.

A nice surprise.

Today has been so amazing!

Despite the ailment of a head cold, and regardless of being husbandless for a few days, today was brilliant!

It was the sort of day which made me think "bring on the 10 kids!" I know, I'm a sucker for a hard life. But today was so easy that those thoughts definitely rolled through my head.

The Winter sun was out, and I woke at 7.30am to Avalon's "cuddle Mummy" cries. If I hadn't been up half the night, coughing, this would have been the most decent of sleeps. I rolled over in the bed to see little miss Willow all serene and beautiful. She stirred with Avalon's cries, balled up her fists and gave an almighty stretch, with a smile spreading across her face. Her hands managed to escape her wrap as she arched her back like a cat, so I snuck my hands under the arch and picked her up in my arms for a snuzzle.

This is how the morning began, and it just got better from there!

I managed to convince Avalon that I'd bought her a special breakfast "treat" because Dad wasn't home. And 2 Weet-bix disappeared quickly from her bowl.

She then played by herself as I made myself a mega cup of coffee ("one for me and one for... oh wait... two for me!")

But wait, there's more...

My Mum then visited and we put on (and dried) 5 loads of washing. (Only the mothers out there would testify to this being a significant addition to my glorious day.)

Mum played with the girls and helped clean until the house was positively beaming in approval, and then after she left, my girls and I enjoyed the remainder of the days warm rays, finding "treasures" on the footpath outside our house. (note: treasure is referred to loosely and could be substituted for the word "rubbish" instead.)

Then as I tucked my girls into their respective beds, and after only a few cuddles, they're asleep. What's better (and this is not to say that I don't miss my husband) but I looked around, and the house was STILL CLEAN!

Praise the Lord for my Mum and for sunshine, and for climbing frames, and for rubbish, and for dummies, and for coffee!

But now that I'm alone, I do wish that messy husband of mine was back from his conference already.

Controversial much?

I'm totally about to blow your minds.

I love Dexter.

As in the tv show about the serial killer.

I know it's totally gory, but who here hasn't seen a Tarantino movie? My point is, that if you find something brilliant, you can overlook it's uglyness.

And besides, I'd like to argue that Dexter's gore is usually more character driven than what we see in Tarantino flicks. Tarantino likes pushing the boundaries of the style of gore commonly accepted in mainstream film. I'd say it's even occasionally superfluous. He puts some scenes in there just for the shock factor.

But Dexter is in a realm of it's own.

Why do I love it?

In a society that is obviously pushing for a way to categorise and control evil (as can be seen by the thousands of CSI and Law & Order style series), Dexter is a unique addition to society's thoughts on evil.

Dexter himself is restrained by a series of rules, so we ask ourselves "Can evil be used for good? And if so, is what Dexter doing, really wrong?" This idea is then juxtaposed as Dexter in each episode gruesomely carves up his "deserved" victims, and we see clearly the monster that he embodies.

It's totally captivating. The writers cleverly force the viewer into liking Dexter and even sympathising with his crazy urges to kill. Dexter is shown as purely a product of his life experiences. And we ask "Hey, poor Dexter! It's not his fault! With a past like that, who can blame him?" and then moments later, a cold, calculated kill sends chills down your spine.

It's all together brilliant. And it gives me a window into a world which, without God is attempting to undo our preconceived "Christianised" views of the relationship between good and evil for us to explore.

Where will it lead us?... I'm dying to find out (no pun intended.)

Moving out

Today marks the start of Avalon entering the realm of the big people.

For today she journeys out of the familiar comfort of bars and into the freedoms and luxury of the "big girls bed" (which incidently is smaller in size to the cot).

There may have been protests, there may have been tears, but this move is for her own good.

After all, everyone needs to learn some day that inescapable bars are not to be looked at fondly and wantingly.

Avalon the architect

Ok, this isn't boasting. It's really not. I just want you to see how much Avalon loves building. I don't know how these building skills relate to others her age. They could be far more advanced. I wouldn't know. But, regardless, this is Avalon's latest passtime. She builds.

And she tetris'.

Craig saw a Threadless t-shirt the other day which said "Tetris taught me the fundamentals of architecture." Maybe she'll enjoy creating houses as much as I do? Or maybe she just likes it caus all kids like to build blocks.

But she really likes it. She likes building so much that after she finishes, she dances in glee.

Some cute pics

We were so excited to see my sister and her bundle of beauty "Annika" down from QLD this past week.

Here's some lovely shots of the cousins together.

how quickly jealousy sneaks in

I love going to church. The new Mums and bubs is just incredible to witness. I love seeing the husbands lovingly cuddle their little ones in the back seats, the Mums finally taking a well deserved break. It's nice, and I enjoy watching these other lives grow so tangibly around me. It's like being in a huge, huge family. And I guess that's exactly how God describes us. United by him, we're all adopted into his family.

But tonight, in this lovely scene, jealousy reared it's ugly head.

I love my girls, but there are definitely hard parts to rearing them. One of them being Willow's inability to sleep apart from me. She just loves cuddles, and loves to live in my arms. And while I did silently ask God for a cuddly baby, I really had no idea about how limiting this would be for me.

As I spoke to another friend of mine whose little girl was born the week following Willow, I couldn't help but feel a pinch of jealousy. Her baby sleeps from 8pm till the following morning. Incredible!

I think this is incredible anyway. And those of you without children are like "yeah, whatever!" but for me, hearing this was enough to flare up some unrealised feelings.

I have noticed lately that Willow's clingy-ness is starting to take it's toll on me. I do need some form of time alone in my day. I'm realising the necessity of it after having 4 months without it.

So, I found myself tonight, jealous of the mothering experiences of my friends. Stupid really. Because I know that Willow is worth it. She's precious. I'd do anything for her. And yet, I obviously don't love her as much as I probably should. Because if I did, then I'd gladly accept this loss of freedom for as long as she needed me. And I would do it gladly.

I'm thankful that God doesn't parent me in the same way - "You're too clingy, Nik. Get over it! You're a big girl now! Start to be more independent and get on with living on your own. I need more time without you hanging around, demanding of me."

Can you imagine?

It just goes to show that sin just sneaks up on you. I thought things with mothering and sacrifice and all that were going well this week. Then...bam! Nope. Obviously not.

Hmm. I really need to become better at this self-awareness thing.

So far tonight

I've eaten a nutricious 1/2 block of cadbury chocolate. It's the only on-hand food in our house tonight, and as I found out at kid crazy hour (5pm) that Craig is out for the rest of tonight at a conference, I don't dare attempt dinner without someone around to quickly do the dummy duty should I be wrist deep in salmonella...

So I sit here, gluttonously consuming this delicious brown substance and I consider my late night take out options depending on when Craig gets through that door.

If it's before 9.20 (highly unlikely) I can get KFC fillet box. If it's not till 10.30, the only option is maccas from then on. But if he's later than that, then i'll just have to go to bed without dinner (or maybe pour some cereal one-handed?) and vow that next time, Craig will check what time he'll be home before I get my hopes up that i'll have him around for the hardest part of my day.

I miss quietness

It's the rare nights like this one, where the kids went to bed without much fuss, that I can sit back and relax in the peace that is our house after 8pm.

It's truly beautiful.

I can hear the cars meandering through our suburb and the sound of Craig's pro-wrestling playing softly in the background. But the foreground is empty. Void of loud noise. This is the sound of settling.

I always enjoyed the peace and comfort of our house.

But since Avalon arrived, my life is often overwhelmingly surrounded with loudness. And I know this is only the start of what will probably peak in another 15 years, when my kids become teenagers. Maybe our house will be filled with shouts and loud music coming from respective rooms. I hope not. But in a family of (hopefully) 8, there's surely going to be disagreements.

But tonight, the two children which God has given Craig and I to care for, are tucked up in their beds, our eldest with warm blankets around her and teddies, our second-born swaddled snugly in her wrap. And tonight, the house mimics the quietness we experienced for the first 6 years of our marriage.

But now, the quietness takes on a new meaning. Because I know that there's more precious people in our house now than before.

Sure, life was a lot more "whimsical" without the children around. Late night trips to exotic locations (like the 24hour Krispy Kreme) and coffee and bountiful Thai on the streets of Newtown.

But now that I know both quietnesses, I'm thankful for tonight. I'm thankful for our noisy children. I'm thankful that our house's noise isn't dictated by Craig's and my voices alone.

Avalon's little voice is rising. Her own personality is bursting forth. And I love the noises she makes. Squeals of delight as she masters jumping off a stair, which is repeated over and over to Craig and my everlasting praise. Giggles as she laughs along with our jokes "funny Mummy, funny Daddy." Even though she has no idea the genius of Will Ferrell that we're recalling. That noise is lovely, too.

Even Willow's noise is becoming more melodical, as she attempts to get our attentions as we fuss around. Her noise is also beautiful, and adds to our family's sound.

It's a cacophony, but a sweet cacophony that marks the air in our house now.

One of these days

One of these days I'll be more organised.

Washing will be done regularly. My desk will finally get the clean it needs. Ava's dinner will be ready long before the crazy 4pm hour starts. Tidying will be easy because I will have culled all useless items from our household.

As I say... one of these days.

But tonight, we find ourselves enjoying the culinary delights of KFC once again.

One of these days I'll be consistently good at all aspects of motherhood and home duties. I'll be totally all over it. It'll be second nature.

Until then, our lawns stay unmowed (thankyou winter frosts for the delayed growth), our benches cluttered, but hopefully amongst it all, our little members feel loved and adored. Which is really the more important task I've been given, isn't it?