Guard your marriage

After visiting the Anglican ministry wives conference yesterday, I was again encouraged by God to invest time in my marriage with Craig.

It's a busy world, and kids can run circles around you, but making the time to connect well with my husband is on the top of my list right now.

I know marriages fall apart, and I don't want ours to be one of them. The pain, the loneliness, the loss of dreams. It hurts me just imagining what life would be like as a divorcee. And my soul is tugged when I think about those in my life who have had marriage breakdowns and in essence, the loss of a best friend.

Phillip Jensen puts it this way in Guidance and the Voice of God:

Sin destroys happiness; it destroys relationships; it deprives us of our freedom. The non-Christian world, enslaved as it is to sin, is full of broken lives and unhappiness.

I agree with Phillip, but I also think he would agree with me that as Christians, we can foolishly embrace the same sin which is evident in the non-Christian. The same vices can overcome us. At the conference, it became even more real that this disconnection between marriage partners isn't reserved for those without Christ in their hearts. For sin transpires into the church, and even into those who God has called to be full-time ministers of his love. It made me sad hearing about the pastor's wives who are struggling to maintain love for their husbands. And God showed me again that I am not immune to sin. My marriage could fail. I could end up separated.

To be fearful of what may come about in the future is foolish. And the fear could prevent me from doing what God calls for me to do right now. Which is to continue focusing my energies on encouraging my husband towards God. As a pastor's wife, I think Satan would have his sights set out in particular for those in the ministry. For if he can disorient the shepherd then the sheep will scatter. Craig and I have to pray God's hand over our marriage and the marriages of all Pastors. We have to be vigilant in our support of eachother. Because failed relationships is what Satan wants, and misery is his domain.

The speaker explained that in marriage, we sharpen our rough edges off eachother. Which is often why marriage can be so painful. God has placed us in our marriages to refine our characters. To strengthen us in Him and make us more pure in heart. Essentially, to make us more like our Saviour, Christ.

Seven and a bit years into our marriage, I see that God hasn't stopped working on our hearts. Our defences are coming down and we're more open to accept that we are faulted. Maybe what Craig says is right about me? Maybe I should pray about how my attitude towards him when we 'heatedly discuss' issues.

Whatever God has in store for my future, I pray that it'll be alongside Craig. With him still my hero and me as his cherished bride.

Late night shopping attempt #2.

Last time I left Craig alone to "rock" Willow to sleep (at 6 weeks) she practically screamed as soon as she heard the front door click closed.

Craig called me 10 minutes later, in complete surrender.

"Come home!!!"

As promptly as I took Willow back into my arms upon arriving home, she started sleeping not 3 seconds later. Ah, the comfort of Mum. It is nice, even if it's suffocating at times.

So I again decide to brave the attempt, less I wrap up my children in toilet paper instead of nappies tomorrow morning. Hold your breath for attempt number 2 at 16 weeks of age.

Lets hope I at least make it into the Woolworths carpark this time round.

Boring nappy talk.

Hmm, please skip this very uninteresting post. It's actually more for me to remember than for you to read.

Nicole, please note that newborn's don't stay newborn for long. Please don't buy 3 massive packs of Huggies/Babylove (and other) nappies that will not fit your child after 4 weeks, resulting in many ruined clothes and wet sheets from squeezing her in them "to save money".

Please realise that Huggies/Babylove are the smallest nappies ever made, and they really only last them for a few weeks at best, even though the first photo you take of them in said nappy looks like they're wearing shorts, not a diaper.

You could possibly get away with putting your "newborn" into the coles or woolies variety for a few more weeks, but again (see note above) they are not newborns for long, so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't buy more than one 30ish packet of these other ones before trading up.

But on another note, the ALDI newborn nappies are a bit roomier,and you have successfully squished Willow into these for three months now before realising it's time to move on to the "infant" size, so you could buy more of those next time.

So, to recap. The smallest ones are Babylove and Huggies (you must use these first, not last!) babylove are great in the newborn size, because they actually have good leg elastic to hold in the water poos. So, yes, buy them again next child round! Then follow up with a generic grocery store variety "to save money" but then, remember that with Avalon from that stage on, huggies was really all you could trust. Once they start solids, you really don't want that "doo doo" getting on anything other than a nappy! Invest in the best, baby!

=) Maybe this post would be helpful for first time mothers. in which case, here's another "note" to help you all. Wait for the Toys r Us sale where you buy box sets of Huggies for $30 each, and invest in a years worth in the respective sizes. You won't be disappointed. You'll save hundreds!

PS_ Avalon is still in Huggies "crawlers" at 18 months and has been in them since before her first birthday as they lose leg weight once the walking starts.

Hope if you read this, it didn't bore you to tears!

The highs and lows

It's such a massive change to the status quo when you fall pregnant. Huge courses of hormones fill your body in levels never experienced unless in pregnancy. These hormones help with the nurturing of the child within you and allow your body to make the necessary changes so that one life can now support two. No wonder pregnant women are treated with special-ness. So they should be! It's these hormones which made me cry at the huggies ads, or the panadol ads, or the "baby animals RSPCA" promo. The life within you changes your very temperament. I would never have been caught dead crying before being pregnant, and then it seemed that I was never not crying during the process. A whole 10 months of being a blabbering woman.

This time round post-baby, I feel much better within myself. I'm thankful that my body is coping with the loss of hormones more than last time.

But after making many more friends who are also mothers, I am finally getting a grasp of how wide spread depression is amongst new mothers and even second-time (or more) mothers.

When you wake up in the morning and you're already feeling like you hate everything (and I mean everything), you sense that something is not quite right.

I've found that my body is quite sensitive to changes in my natural hormone levels, and anything done to change these artificially winds up causing my mental state to be altered dramatically. I know this now, and am more aware of what drugs I put in my mouth. But it took a long time before I cottoned on to what was wrong within me. I put it down to being young and tired, and stressed, and anxious. But I need to say that panic attacks are not meant to be the status quo, and stress and anxiety should not be your natural state of being. They shouldn't be your breakfast, lunch and dinner. The might be the salmonella poisoning that you get very rarely. (But as Craig will testify- does actually come your way when you use a chicken knife to butter your toast.)

As hormones settle within me again to pre-pregnancy levels, I find myself feeling "wrong" only about once every 2 weeks. It just ends up being a bad day. And I try to minimise the day's badness by treating myself lots and taking care of myself as best as i can. I also include God even more in these days. He helps me grow in love. I know on days like this when I meet others, that I'm most likely bad company. I'll say more hurtful things than usual. I'll be impatient with my girls. It just seems to happen, even though I make a conscious effort to not be that way. (So sorry if you've been bitten by "bad" Nicole)

I try to correct the wrong thoughts that come into my head. Explain to them why they are wrong. But gosh, it took me a long time to get to a place where I learnt to master these thoughts and feelings, rather than them controlling me.

Humbled

Today I sit humbled by a friend of mine.

She spoke to me last night at church and we laughed over our little girl's antics and cherished their little sighs. It was a lovely time, and I love seeing other people with their children. It's just so real and sweet.

Then after I got home I received a call from her. She was sitting down and reflecting on our conversation after getting home and organising the night time routine for her kids. She apologised profusely because she felt that she hijacked a conversation and talked about herself after I had made a comment about how feeding Willow is going at the moment.

And I was amazed! Not only had I not even noticed, or even been slightly perplexed by what had happened, but I realised that I do the same thing constantly. I'm always talking about myself at the expense of listening to others.

Do I have the presence of mind or the humility to make a phone call to apologise for my failure to listen to others? Nope. Big fat nope.

Definitely humbled. And I love that about this friend of mine. She's amazing like that. I thank God for her example to me in my life, as I bumble through what it means to be a Godly woman.

Making themselves known.

Avalon in September 08, when Willow was 12 weeks.

As I reminisce tonight, I remembered a funny story to share.

It was during those early pregnancy weeks with Willow, where you're not meant to share the news of their presence just yet, for the knowledge that many lives are lost before the 12 week mark hits. And it's just as I approach that mark that the hormones that make me want to chuck, settle. The placenta starts to do it's job and I start to lose the feeling that I've been poisoned by a bad chinese meal. (No racism intended.)

It was early in the morning, and I had just gotten Avalon out of bed. She was at the adorable stage of crawling around and happily pulling herself up on things (adult legs included).

Craig lay in bed as Avy rampaged around our room. As only a refreshed 12-hours-of-continuous sleep-kid can do with flair at 7am.

So here we were, playing in the bedroom when the urge overcame me. I jumped up and headed for the ensuite sink. As I held onto the sink and did the early pregnancy "thang", Avalon crawled over and mistook my throwing up sounds for laughter. She climbed up my legs as I heaved and she chuckled heartily, trying to outdo me. I couldn't help but laugh through my chucking tears (yes, I involuntarily cry as I chuck. I'm one of "those" people. Don't judge me.)

It was a daunting moment. I realised then that it wasn't just Craig and I who would sacrifice for this baby. Avalon would have to sacrifice, too. She will have to learn to share. Learn to share of her Mum's attention.

And it was this that I thought as I stood paralysed to the sink, unable to check whether Ava would fall without my assistance. Unable to look after her "properly" because of this new life that was making itself known in our family already.

And I think back on this funny moment in my life and see that moment as the moment where Willow officially "arrived" in our house. Not the birth. But before her fingernails or ears were even fully formed.

I think of my church friends tonight, who are grieving over the loss of their baby who never arrived out of his Mummy's tummy alive. And I see that their loss is great, and their hearts must be heavy. I feel for them deeply and continue to pray that God will help them through.

And I also think of some other of my friends, who welcomed their little girl into the world this morning. My prayers are with them as well, as they pour out their lives for this newborn life.

It's never been more present in my mind that it is God who is continually sustaining all of our lives to hopefully see tomorrow.

Looking back

I know that life has been incredibly hard for the last several months. I know that birth was excruciating. I remember being in hospital for Willow's sickness and how that impinged upon my life's freedoms for those weeks. I remember the pain of bending down after I reached the halfway mark in pregnancy. I remember the throwing up. I remember the exhaustion.

But despite all of this, I can look and see my pregnant friends around me, and think back with fondness at my days of pregnancy.

You see, my little girls just keep becoming more and more independent. Which i know is my goal as a mother, but it's still hard to release them. Not long ago, Willow needed my comfort to close her eyes to sleep. Not long before that, her first cry was heard by Craig and I as I birthed her in the hospital bathroom. And not much before that, she was teasing us day and night with false labour pains for weeks on end until I was thoroughly exhausted by what could have been her first day into the world.

But all of these troubles pale and fade. Their smiles are shared, heads start being lifted high to view this exciting world before them. And not long later, they start repeating your sentences back to you, so you can hear for yourself how stupid you sound.

It's just a beautiful existence, being poured out as a mother. No wonder we share their excitement as they learn a new skill. These little people have become what we spend almost all of our days listening out for. Tenderly nurturing. Analysing their every move and curbing tantrums. Noticing the cry that means "if I don't get fed now, I'll be torture for the rest of the day" or preempting a fall from a height that just must be climbed and explored.

Being a mother is an existence of continual change. An ebb and flow of hard times.

I find that just as I accept not having a scrap of time for myself to even cut my fingernails, I get it back again.

Like now, for instance. Here I sit after months of holding my youngest daughter from 7pm till 9/10pm lest she scream from separation, without her in these arms. I am typing with 2 hands!!! And I have to say that although I do feel thoroughly grateful for the freedom, a small hint of pain is present. She no longer needs me. She doesn't need me to hold her to sleep anymore. She can now do this all by herself. Independence has begun, and to be honest, had begun as soon as she was conceived.

So I look back tonight at the year that has been. A year of feeling exhausted 24/7. A year of just giving birth, and then embracing a new life within me only 6 months later. A year where I have been poured out with all the love I have, only to be filled with God's love again, so I can again, pour it out. A year or more of serving foremost, my Lord. And a year of being emptied out in caring for my children.

And I look back and realise that it's getting easier. It's getting easier to deny myself. Sacrifice is becoming more of what I remember, so I long less for the days of my own freedom. I just hope that as time continues, and the burden gets larger as our family gets larger, that my Lord will continue to provide me with the patience and strength that is needed to pour His love into these little lives so they grow up to know Him.

Meeting Zara

Pictures from our fun morning.