Please, no noise!

I never took offense to people with noisy cars before I had children. 

They were certainly unimpressive. Flaunting their powerful engines as they took off down the street. But now I get so incensed by our neighbours revving their engines in the driveway during baby sleep times that I feel myself get hot. That's a frightening level of anger. Especially towards someone who has no idea that there is a baby in the house near them. 

They don't realise (and neither did I until Avy arrived) that kids are quite sensitive sleepers. If they wake up and it's too hot to get back to sleep/ too noisy/ they're hungry/ they see an interesting toy, then that's it for the day. You can be assured that the remainder of the day is filled with a tired Mum (from little rest) and a grumpy child whose body begs for sleep, but who won't go back, no matter how much patting, milk bottles or shushing you do. This often leads to injury from tired little legs plodding around the house in an uncoordinated way, several tantrums from Mum saying 'no' to things they know they're not allowed to do and a general misery fills the house for the next 5 hours.

Then another attempted sleep time starts and this tired child is now over-tired and will not go to sleep unless you cuddle their heaving, wretching and shaking from sobs body almost to sleep. (This is not something I practice normally and am not keen to start accustoming myself to being 5 months pregnant.) A tired Mum, a tired baby and a very drawn out sleeptime leaves the whole house in a shambles for the rest of the night. Once she's finally asleep at 8.30, there's no way I have energy to do much healthy cooking or any cleaning to prepare myself for the following day.

These boys have no idea how their lives have collided with mine. I've never spoken a word to them in my life, but their actions have caused me suffering. And they'll probably never know it.

It makes me wonder whose lives I've impacted on negatively without ever having met them. If you're reading this and you think I might be that person- I'm sorry!

Why no boy angels?

It has recently come to my attention that the only angels we have heard about in the bible are boys/men. Well, who knows if they have the attributes of an earthly man (assuming not) but they have been given man names; Gabriel and Michael.

In light of this I pose that we rethink our church christmas nativity scenes. Girls are usually the ones to dress as angels and of  course, the role of Mary. The boys traditionally go for shepherds and wise men and Joseph. 

I'd be pretty happy if next year I saw even one boy dress as an angel with the head tinsel get-up. I think it would add some more realism to our Christmas events. Sure, the role of Mary may become even more coveted a role, seeing as how she'd be the only female role left, but what the hey? Girls would totally own the role of livestock.

Cotton-balled-self-esteem-Christianity.

So I guess the lack of posts on this site shows you that I am either uninspired or have had relatively few thoughts. Both of these have some truth as pregnancy seriously diminishes my brain power daily.

But mainly, it's just because when I think of writing something, I notice that those interesting thoughts have left me throughout the day. All that's there when I sit down here to type is a list of unfinished jobs around the house and the thought of what to cook for the evening.

But here's one for you.

(Aside- I probably haven't explained my view on this at all well. So I apologise for my crude thought process.) 

Several Christians have said recently comments along the lines of "Just because someone doesn't want to hear what you have to say about Jesus doesn't mean they're rejecting you. Don't feel bad about it. They're just rejecting God." 

Lunacy, I tell you! I think these phrases have been passed around a little too liberally in our Christian circles, given that they are absolute rubbish. 

We try to make ourselves feel better about being rejected by friends or colleagues by offloading their rejection so that Christ is separate from us. But if we are in Christ, we are united with Christ. 'I no longer live, but Christ lives in me' (Gal. 2:20) 

This is the only way I am saved from my sin. I am in Christ and he has suffered for my sin.  Me and Christ are together now. No longer separable. This is how salvation works. We are NOT Christ, but we are so linked with him when we accept him into our hearts, that the bible talks as us as being united with him. 'God made him, (Jesus) who had no sin, to be sin for us, so that IN HIM we might become the righteousness of God.' (2 Cor 5:21)

We are also united with Jesus in his resurrection. Christ is raised on high, and I am raised with him. "When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear WITH HIM in glory" (Col 3:4) 

I want to love this rejection from man! This is part of our fellowship with Christ, we shouldn't distance our participation in it or take us out of the equation! Paul explains in Philippians 3:10 'I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.' 

Moreover, part of Christ's suffering's was his rejection from man ' He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering' (Isaiah 53:3)

And Jesus explains clearly how we are to take this rejection from man. 

Jesus instructed seventy two of his followers to go into the towns before him, proclaiming that the Kingdom of God is near. He directs their thoughts to the outcome of those words "He who listens to you, listens to me; he who rejects you rejects me". 

Nowhere in this great speech does he say, "but don't worry, if they reject me, they aren't rejecting you. Don't take this personally or let this little growth opportunity damage your self-esteem, ok?" That sounds to me like our cotton-balled Westernised culture coming through, rather than the reality of the situation.

The thought of people rejecting Christ, but not myself who is preaching Christ, is an entire fabrication and quite offensive to God. They cannot reject Christ without rejecting ME. We can't be torn apart like that, and why would you want to do it anyway? This kind of talk reminds me of what Peter, a friend of Jesus, spouted at Jesus' capture. He tried to distance himself from his friendship with Christ in the same way that we do today to prevent the same rejection of man. 'A servant girl saw (Peter) seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said "This man was with him." But (Peter) denied it. "Woman, I don't know him." '

If only our response was the same as Peter's when he realised his insult to God. Because Peter "went outside and wept bitterly." (Luke 22:62) We sometimes look at examples such as Peter in the bible and we think "Man, that guys loser. Jesus, our Lord was right there with him, and he still rejected him. What an idiot!" But this man didn't have Jesus living inside him. The spirit had not been poured out. How much more should we be ashamed of ourselves when we think or say stuff like this, with God's spirit living IN US. We should be ashamed and weep bitterly over our sin. And as we do, bring it before the Lord of all so he can carry our burdens and relieve us of our suffering. 

What an excellent God lives in us!

Sin starts early

I've been convinced over my life that sin is found in us from birth. We enter into sin and it becomes one with our thoughts and hearts.

So I'm not ultra surprised when I see Avalon's impatience break out. Now that her mind is developing sounds to communicate these thoughts, Craig and I have been bombarded with many angry grunts a day. Grunts when she's sick of waiting for her food (it takes all of 15 seconds, but 15 seconds too long), grunts when we say "no" and close a poisons cabinet that she's just opened (we're working on building up her immunity to pestisides and cleaning products), grunts about anything she finds dissatisfying. Really, angry grunt about many things she dislikes in the day, the regular one being nappy change time.

It's good to see this, I think, because as we get older, we get cleverer about hiding our sin. Clever thoughts may try to persuade you- "I wouldn't say that I'm evil,  I'd be happier with you saying that parts of me are evil, or that parts of me are swayed by evil, but I'm not evil from my own volition. Evil is something that's done to me, that corrupts the good in me. After all, God made me in his image. So deep down, I must be good." And as soon as you've finished the thought, you hear it as if someone's said it to you. And then you realise how stupidly sinful you are. 

We can't even think properly, we're so sinful. I'm sure most  (if not all) of my thoughts are incorrect, or if not incorrect, then definitely driven by evil motives. The more I see sin, the more I see that Jesus was the only way to free us. 

As a younger Christian, I thought God may have overshot the sacrifice. Surely enough spotless goats would do it. Or maybe if we gave him grainfed beef. But, no. God sacrificing himself makes more and more sense each living day as the effects of evil permeating our very essences is made clearer to me.

Another life

I'm totally thrilled about being pregnant again. As alien-like as it sounds, i enjoy the sensation of this little human squirm around inside of me. But pregnancy is also such a scary time. It reminds me of my limitations. I can't walk very fast without gasping for breath. I can't feel safe to protect myself and Avalon when we're faced with any type of threat. Because my fitness and stamina are so limited.

Ultimately, I think pregnancy makes me a more conservative person. Someone who won't take that chance to go out for the stroll alone at dawn on Saturday morning like I used to in Newtown to get to work at the bakery. Someone who is constantly assessing her surroundings and bypassing the smoking group of teenagers instead of walking past, just in case. It's scary being this scared. Because it's not a decision, it's innate. As though something primal reminds me continually of the life I bear and the other life that can't defend itself that sits up happily in the stroller. The protective thoughts that go through my head now I'm a mother are so foreign to how I would behave before.

A year and a half ago, I would feel confident that I could take on anything and anyone, and come out pretty unscathed. I was a resourceful and independent woman, quite capable of protecting herself from at least one nasty person on the streets. But now, the thought of being attacked with a baby in the belly and a child on one hip, sends me chills. 

I wonder if once my child nurturing years are behind me, I will once again return to the person I formally knew. My guess is that now I've experienced being someone's entire world, that responsibility will continue to shape my behaviour, even after the kids have families of their own. You always hear that motherhood will change your life. I never heard that motherhood would change your personality.

I like yoga... but

Taking advantage of the RPA's generosity in giving out free yoga classes, I decided to join a number of heavily pregnant women in bending our bodies week in, week out. And I have to say that i miss it so much that I hired a dvd to do some at home. (Please try not to imagine me as a lump in a jump suit like some of these women are. I'm not THAT into it.)

It concerned me that so many women were happy to listen to the yogic chants and accept them. Because, lets face reality, life is busy. If sitting on a mat, breathing deeply and raising arms is called valid exercise, I'm there. 

But until I went along, I never realised how much yoga exercise and the religion (Buddhism?) is related.

We chant things which are meant to help us deal with the birthing process. Here was one: "Imagine your contractions like a lotus flower, opening up and giving way to new life that you have created." This one wasn't so intrenched with alternate religion. But often, despite my relaxed state of consciousness, I would change the things the teacher would tell me so that the yoga class became for me, a meditation on God's power to create and his life-giving words.

It got me thinking to how great it would be to teach Christian meditation classes. There is so much value in sitting, stretching, and ridding yourself of all selfish thoughts and focusing on God. For example, when we chant in yoga "I am truth", this could very easily be altered to reveal something actually true: "God is the source of all truth. God is truth." Very simple really. Even better, we could use bible verses which say exactly this.

Here's another yogic chant I know you'll all get excited over " I bow to the infinite wisdom inside myself." Wow. And people say Christians are arrogant.

One of my many dreams in this life involves running classes so that Christians can learn to meditate properly. Meditate on Christ's words, because they are the only ones that will satisfy the thirst. Dwelling on why we're here, giving our anxieties to Him and of course, finding joy and peace in his boundless qualities. With a little bit of stretching as a side order.

Where to start? Anyone?

Marriage in the Pastorate Number 1

I am in the process of re-reading a book on marriage. More specifically, marriage in the pastorate. And I’ve had some very thought-provoking quotes to share with you.

I’m still not sure if I’ll recommend this book to other pastors’ wives, because I’m only in the first chapter and I can’t vouch for what I’ve forgotten is in the rest of it.

But here’s something for us to be inspired by and/or think about.

A Pastor’s wife in the states spends her week as a teacher in an urban ghetto in the USA. She also has a 2 year old son. Her husband is a pastor in this same disadvantaged area of the city. She sees her ministry as providing quality education to the poor of her country. And loves doing it. But this is what got me. When someone commended her for her work and asked her about what she does and why she says “We’re doing everything we can to bloom in the place where God has planted us.”

I found this extraordinary. It’s really nothing new, but it got me thinking about how often God moves me places, and I don’t have this attitude. I’m not necessarily talking about my situation now, but certainly, earlier in life I feel like I have planted my feet in the mud and God has had to carry me kicking and screaming. It makes me think of all of the missed opportunities because I wasn’t willing to blossom. I just wanted to be. Just plant me somewhere and we’ll see how I do.

What a huge loss for me. For others. I don’t want to “just be” where God has planted me anymore. I want to blossom! Give me bouquets that I have discovered along the way! I’ll take them and share them around to bring the joy of Christ into the hearts of whoever my neighbour is.

So much of my life has been wasted, and I’m sure much more to come. But hopefully, it will no longer be wasted by my immaturity in God’s plantings for me and my family.

I’m a Mum now, and my attitude will be reflected in my children. This time of my life, more than ever, should I be focusing on accepting God’s hand.

I don’t want my children to resent the Lord because I’m depressed that “Dad’s away on a leadership conference/ preaching overseas/ ministry gathering.”

More than anything, I am blessed because my husband is spending his life serving the Lord. And I admire him for that, and love him for it, and get inspired by it. Because to live is Christ and to die is gain. I read these things and think I believe it. Until the reality of what this might mean hits home. Maybe I will have to spend several weeks a year looking after a team of little bratty children Craig helped me create all on my own and I will get lonely. So what??? This is the game, Nicole! We’re not in training or at the afterparty. This is it. And however long Craig is away for the Lord’s work, I want my kids to get excited that “Dad is away doing the most important job in the world. He is serving our God and King. What a privilege it is for us to be a part of it!”

 

 

 

 

Married to a Pastor. London & Wiseman, Regal Books, 1999